


she so bad that i just can't take that bitch nowhere

by harukatenoh



Series: that's my best friend! [2]
Category: Dead Cells (Video Game)
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, more awkward conversations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29175435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harukatenoh/pseuds/harukatenoh
Summary: Serenade meets the gang.
Relationships: The Beheaded & Serenade, The Beheaded & The Time Keeper (Dead Cells)
Series: that's my best friend! [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2141835
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	she so bad that i just can't take that bitch nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> so... fatal falls dlc, huh?
> 
> work title from best friend by saweetie lollll

You kick the door to the Clock Room down, as is tradition. Behind you, Serenade follows, muttering something or other that you decide to tune out. At this point, you tune out 90% of the shit it says.

Turning around, you put your finger to where your mouth theoretically would be. You hiss. You’re very good at making hissing sounds.

After so long hanging around each other, Serenade understands, because with one last grumble, it shuts up.

You stride inside like you own the place—actually, with recent revelations imparted to you by your very large friend, that might be too close to home—and go up to the Time Keeper. She’s sitting at her desk scribbling on some paper.

“It’s rude to enter a room without knocking,” she says, before looking up and grinning at you. “Hello, old friend.” 

You salute at her. This is what friendship constitutes to, these days. You slaughtering all of her fucked up guards to climb her tower so you can have a five minute chat before going on to slaughter more guards. Not hers, at least. 

She looks beyond you and raises her eyebrows. Ah, right. She’s never seen Serenade before. You’ve been too busy parleying with the Scarecrow, although they aren’t much for negotiation. So you haven’t really been parleying at all. Mostly just beating the shit out of them. Though, hey! That was how you started out with the Time Keeper too, and look at where you two are now!

“Cool sword,” she says, nodding at you. “Where’d you get that?”

Serenade, ending its silent streak at around 50 seconds and officially marking the longest ever time it had shut the fuck up, says, “I am cool, aren’t I? I’m from the shrines, don’t know if you’ve heard of them.”

The Time Keeper jumps in surprise. She looks at you, and then looks at Serenade, then at you again.

“Why is your sword talking?” she asks in disbelief, at the same time Serenade turns to you and asks, “Why aren’t we attacking her?”

You look between them. You shrug. Seriously, what are they expecting? What kind of answers do they think you can give?

The Time Keeper blinks. “The shrines, huh?” she says, standing up to get closer to Serenade. She squints up at it, and then looks at you. “You go there now?”

You shrug again. They aren’t that bad. Compared to the rest of the island, there’s about the same amount of monsters trying to kill you, so you don’t really see the problem.

She makes a face. “I guess you have low standards,” she sighs, shaking her head. You put up your middle finger at her.

“Seriously,” Serenade whines, hovering above your shoulder now, “are we not killing her?”

The Time Keeper raises an eyebrow. “You can try,” she says, because everybody on this island is an asshole. 

You can see Serenade gearing up to fly at her, and while it would be interesting to see it fight with her, you’re not about to destroy your truce. Or friendship. Whatever. 

You call it into your hand before it can go.

“Hey!” it protests, shaking in your grip. Gently, you smack it on the hilt. 

The Time Keeper snorts.

Holding up Serenade to eye—well, not really but y’know—level, you point at her. You give a very big, exaggerated thumbs up. 

Serenade doesn’t say anything.

You smack it on the hilt again.

“Ugh,” it says, “fine! I’ll be nice!” You have no idea how it communicates this feeling, considering that it’s a fucking sword, but you get the sense it’s rolling its eyes at you.

Spiritually rolling your eyes right back at it, you let go. It flies off with the distinct air that it’s sulking. Incredible. You have a sword that sulks.

The Time Keeper snorts again. “Nice to meet you, sword,” she says, giving it a little wave. “I’m the Time Keeper.”

Serenade is silent. You turn to it and clap your hands quickly. 

“Ugh,” it says again. Who the hell raised this thing? No manners  _ whatsoever. _ “Hello,” it says, turning reluctantly to the Time Keeper. “I’m Serenade.”

The Time Keeper whistles. “Cool name,”

Serenade huffs. “Flattery will get you nowhere,” it spits, flying so that it’s hovering just behind you. “They’re the only one for me. The one who freed me. My greatest handler.  _ You _ will never get to wield me so long as I live!”

The Time Keeper’s eyebrows go up. She looks at you. You look back and, world weary, shrug again. You have nothing else to say.

_ “Wow,” _ she says, looking like she has no idea whether to be more amused or more incredulous. You, at this point, have come to terms with it. “Your sentient, flying sword is in love with you. I am  _ amazed _ by how your life manages to get weirder every time you come through here,”

You sigh. 

She laughs. 

Serenade starts a  _ very  _ impassioned tirade about how, actually, the bond between it and you transcends notions like love and romance and how she will never understand the connection between a sword and its wielder and how she’s going to live an empty life never comprehending true kinship and etcetera etcetera, cue the tuning out.

The Time Keeper gives you another look. She’s decided to choose amusement over incredulousness, you see. 

You put a hand over your face. Well. Your sort of face. With the other hand, you summon Serenade.

Unperturbed, it keeps going. 

You sigh again.

Grinning, the Time Keeper waves at the other side of the room and says, “Door’s unlocked.”

With a nod her way, you start marching off. Serenade keeps going, and your hand remains over your face. You can’t take it  _ anywhere. _

“I better be invited to the wedding!” The Time Keeper calls as you leave. “Actually, I better be your maid of honour! I know you don’t have any other friends!”

You put the finger up at her. Ugh. You should’ve just let Serenade tear into her. 


End file.
